The Prophet's Marriage to Aishah
Q)
According to my knowledge `A’ishah
was nine when her marriage to the Prophet (peace and
blessings be upon him) was consummated. Even though
there is dispute about her exact age, let’s assume she
was nine. Looking at this marriage with today’s societal
perception, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon
him) would be stigmatized as child molester, pedophile,
you name it! It may have made sense back in the time to
do so, even though I wonder why he did marry her
regardless of her very young age. No child in that age
can comprehend the emotional and mental ramifications of
a marriage.
A) Thank you very much for
your question.
Society’s norms of sexual relationships and family life
are in a state of continual change. Living in the 21st
century, we find that these changes that used to be slow
and gradual in the past are gaining more and more speed.
We have already been into Future Shock and the Third
Wave of dramatic and catastrophic changes in the way of
thinking, in our attitudes and approaches to life and
the world. (Alvin Toffler’s Future Shock [1970] and The
Third Wave [1989] are path-breaking books that describe
the effect of fast changes that overtake modern
societies.)
In most of the so-called civilized countries, family
values seem to have lost all worth for most people. In
the post–World War II generation of the United States,
80 percent of children grew up in a family with both the
parents. Now that number has dipped to 60 percent or
more. Before declining slightly in recent years, divorce
rates had soared more than 30 percent since 1970. Today
nearly half of American marriages are projected to end
in divorce or permanent separation. Nearly half of
people between ages 25 and 40 at some point have lived
with a member of the opposite sex outside of marriage.
Please notice that we take the American statistics for
the following reasons: (1) Reliable statistics are
available there; (2) Most countries and peoples of the
world imitate the Americans and are facing the same
results; (3) Most of the critics of Islam come from
America and so they are expected to have first-hand
experience of the situations described.
Ninety percent of women born between 1933 and 1942 were
virgins when they married; now over half of all teenage
girls in the United States have sexual intercourse with
some man before age 17. More dramatically, the
percentage of teen girls who said that having a child
out of wedlock is a “worthwhile lifestyle” rose from 33
to 53 in the past two decades. And what about same-sex
marriage? It is being accepted even by the conservatives
and the clergymen as perfectly normal. Such findings
lead many people to conclude that “the institution of
marriage is in serious trouble.” (Michael A. Fletcher,
“Study: Marriage Rate Is at Its Lowest Ever—Findings Are
Proof of Changing Attitudes, Report’s Authors Say,”
Washington Post; published Friday, July 2, 1999, in The
San Jose Mercury News.)
To speak of the age of consent for women in the United
States: A 20-year-old woman who marries in Nebraska
breaks the law because there the age of consent is 21,
while a woman in Alabama can legally marry at that age,
as the age of consent there is only 18. A hundred years
ago, under the common law in the United States, the age
of consent was just 10 years. Ancient Jewish law
permitted girls to be wives at a much younger age. In
ancient India girls as young as five and six were
married to much older men. Even now the practice
continues among some Hindus.
The foregoing shows that the minimum age for girls to be
married varies from culture to culture and from age to
age. Against this background, there seems to be no point
in holding a particular age as the right age of consent
in the post-modern world. But people who want to impose
one on a different culture or religion would make it a
big issue. It is surprising how even the intellectuals
show a tendency to judge others by their own
culture-specific standards as though these should be
accepted universally binding on the whole of mankind!
This is not to argue that today girls should be married
off at nine or ten years, for no one can ignore that the
times, the social conditions, and the cultural milieu
have undergone immense changes. But the very same fact
should help us to realize that in another age and in
another cultural setting, marrying a girl at the age of
nine was quite the norm and there could be nothing
surprising about that.
The events of the Prophet’s life (as also is the case of
the lives of other prophets of the past) should be
interpreted in the light of the socio-historical
conditions of the times. What people often miss is the
absurdity of trying to assess an event of sixth century
Arabia, as though it happened the other day in downtown
Manhattan or Birmingham.
It is worth stating here that it was Abu Bakr, the
father of `A'ishah, who gave her in marriage to Muhammad
(peace be upon him), and that she remained a faithful
and loving wife until death parted her from her husband.
And of the wives of the Prophet, none was so mature and
knowledgeable as `A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with
her).
Stages of the Prophet's
Married Life
First, let's remember that Prophet Muhammad (peace and
blessings be upon him) led a life supported only by the
bare minimum of necessities. His wives were not idly
wasting away the hours in a luxurious harem but led a
life of labor and sacrifice, while he was mostly busy
away from home overseeing his numerous duties as a
Prophet. So, obviously, lust was not a factor, as he
wasn't even at home most of the time. Further, most of
his marriages occurred at an age when lust is not a
major factor in any man's life:
1. He remained single until age 25.
2. From age 25 to 50 he was faithful to only one wife,
Khadijah, who bore all his children except one. She was
15 years older than him, with children from two previous
marriages. She was his greatest ally when he received
the Call at age 40 until she died when he was 50 years
old. He remained in love with her until he died and
often talked of his life with her with great nostalgia.
3. Between ages 50 and 52 he remained unmarried and
mourning his late beloved wife. He lived alone with his
daughters.
4. Between ages 53 and 60 he married all his other wives
for many noble reasons detailed below. It's unimaginable
for a man to suddenly turn lustful at this age,
especially as he was constantly traveling, with
bloodthirsty enemies on his heels.
5. At age 60, Allah revealed to him verse preventing him
from marrying any more until he died, which was at age
63. The Qur'an says what means:
*{It is not lawful for you (to marry other) women after
this, nor to change them for other wives.}* (Al-Ahzab
33:52)
Reasons for the Prophet's Marriages
We can categorize all his marriages under two aspects of
his personality:
- Muhammad the man who needed a loving wife, children,
and a stable home, so he married Khadijah and remained
with only her for 20 years until she died.
- Muhammad the Prophet who married the other wives for
reasons pertaining to his duty to deliver the Message to
the world. Those particular women were carefully
selected, not just haphazardly "acquired" for carnal
reasons, as suggested. Here are some of the reasons for
which Muhammad married:
1. To pass on Islam to the next generations as a
practical legacy
Prophet Muhammad is the only prophet without any
privacy, and with a meticulously preserved tradition in
speech and actions in all minute details of his public
and private life. Preserved in the sharp minds of his
wives and his Companions, those narrations comprise the
"daily life manual" for Muslims to follow until the end
of time. The fact that Islam was spread on the shoulders
of women and preserved in their hearts is a great honor
to the females of this Ummah. The books of authentic
Hadith attribute more than 3,000 narrations and
Prophetic traditions to his wives alone.
2. To cement the relations of the budding nation
In a tribal society, it was customary to seal treaties
through marrying into tribes. Muhammad's closest
Companions later became the four caliphs who led Islam
at the critical stage after his death. Two of them were
the fathers of his wives `A'ishah (daughter of Abu Bakr)
and Hafsa (daughter of `Umar); the other two married his
daughters (`Uthman married Ruqayyah and Zainab in
succession, and `Ali married Fatimah).
3. To teach Muslims compassion with women
He taught them to be compassionate not just to the young
and beautiful maidens, but more so to the weak and
destitute widows, divorcees, orphans, and elderly women.
Islam teaches that women are to be respected, protected,
and cared for by their men folk. They're not to be cast
out to face a harsh life alone while able men around
them just pity them and do nothing to help, or worse,
use their weakness to take them as mistresses!
4. To offer a practical role model to Muslims until the
end of time
Although many believing women often approached Muhammad
offering him themselves in marriage, he politely turned
down their offers. Most of his wives after the death of
Khadijah were old, devoid of beauty, and previously
married, except `A'ishah, who was the only young virgin.
He married from other nations and religions; some were
the daughters of his worst enemies, and his marriage to
one woman won all her people into Islam. Regardless of
his neutral feelings towards many of them, he was a
model example of equal justice and kindness to them all,
and he would never discriminate among them.
Who Were the Prophet's Wives?
Prophet Muhammad married 12 wives in his life. When he
died he had 9 wives. They have a very special status in
the hearts of Muslims as the "Mothers of the Believers,"
as the Qur'an instructs, and they are the source of a
great amount of wisdom which they learned while living
close to such a great man. Perhaps you'd like to
research a bit to find their beautiful stories, so here
are their names: Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, Sawdah bint
Zam'ah, `A'ishah bint Abi Bakr, Hafsah bint `Umar ibn
Al-Khattab, Zaynab bint Khuzaymah, Umm Salama, Zaynab
bint Jahsh, Juwayriah bint Al-Harith, Umm Habibah,
Safiyah bint Huyay ibn Akhtab, Maymunah bint Al-Harith,
Maria the Copt.
Can We Consider His Marriage to `A'ishah a Case of Child
Molestation?
To answer your speculation, let's continue our objective
trip into the past. Obviously, when traveling back in
time 1400 years to examine a lifestyle we never
witnessed, it is unfair to apply our present day
standards, so let's listen to the experts. Authentic
historical records prove that the social traditions of
the time and place—regardless of religion—considered
Arab females as women as soon as their menstrual cycles
began. The custom was to give daughters in marriage at
that age. This was practiced by all dwellers in Arabia
before Islam: pagans, disbelievers, Jews, and others.
It's a fact that female menstruation in hot climates
starts much earlier than in cold climates, so females in
Arabia matured as early as 8 or 9; they also aged
earlier than other women.
It's a neglected fact that before she was married to
Muhammad, `A'ishah had been engaged to an infidel,
Jubair ibn Mus'ab ibn Ady. Her fiancé broke the
engagement on the basis of religious difference. So her
father, Abu Bakr, agreed to give her hand in marriage to
the Prophet.
The Great Wisdom in Selecting `A'ishah in Particular as
a Young Wife
`A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) came from a
house famous for learning and memorizing great
quantities of knowledge; her father was a live
encyclopedia of Arab tribal pedigrees and poetry. She
inherited his ability, and in her young, intelligent,
receptive mind, she preserved a precious portion of
Islam she learned during seven years of marriage, for 47
years after the death of the Prophet (peace and
blessings be upon him) and she taught thousands of men
worldwide their religion as she had learned it firsthand
from the Prophet. To our present day, she is considered
among the most prominent Islamic scholars, and she holds
extremely high esteem in the hearts of all Muslims as
such and as "the beloved of the Prophet," who often
mentioned her as the human he loved the most on the face
of this earth. With her, he built a model Muslim home
for Muslims to strive to imitate forever.
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